Chapter 29.1 - Heart to Heart Connection (1)
The rickshaw driver continued to speak in a somewhat slick tone, explaining the names and origins of various alleys, telling them which famous person's residence was once there and who had bought it now... Luo Zhi listened absently, her attention more on the squeaky sound of the rickshaw and the faint fragrance drifting through her nose.
Why did he always smell like laundry detergent? Maybe he didn't even know it himself. She lowered her head and chuckled to herself; only she would pay attention to these little details.
When they reached a steep hill, the rickshaw struggled to climb, the driver standing up from his seat and pedaling with all his might. Luo Zhi felt like the squeaky sound was rubbing against her heart. Watching the driver, a man in his forties or fifties with graying hair at his temples, she felt a pang of sympathy. She carefully spoke behind him, "You see... how about we get off and walk for this part?"
"Hey, girl, are you done embarrassing your boyfriend and now you want to embarrass me too?"
Sheng Huainan couldn't help but laugh on the side. The rickshaw finally made it to the top of the hill, and soon they began descending. The speed increased, and the wind rushed past their ears. Several strands of hair brushed against her cheek, making her feel a slight itch. Luo Zhi, a bit frustrated, said loudly, "I was just being kind."
"Yeah, I know, you're holding a kind and warm heart with twenty bucks!"
The rickshaw driver burst out laughing, and Luo Zhi stopped talking, casting a sidelong glance at Sheng Huainan, who was clearly enjoying her discomfort.
"Guess what I’m thinking?" he asked, still laughing uncontrollably, his eyes sparkling so brightly that Luo Zhi couldn’t bear to look at him.
"You’re thinking I’m getting what I deserve."
He nodded. "Unfortunately, I can never guess what you’re thinking. You give me the feeling that you have a lot on your mind."
Luo Zhi didn’t know how to respond. She looked at the plastic window of the rickshaw, trying to suppress her swirling thoughts. "At least you're right about one thing—I do have a lot on my mind."
"And you don’t like to explain things, like explaining would be beneath you."
She smiled. "Well, that makes my life pretty lonely."
"I think so too."
Many of the things on her mind were because of him. Luo Zhi had always thought that although she wasn’t talkative, she wasn’t bad at speaking either. But at this moment, seeing the only person in her life who was constantly trying to understand her and thinking about her slowly trying to approach her, she suddenly became speechless, unsure of how to lead him closer.
"I guess, you've always wanted to have a confidant with a deep, unspoken connection, right?"
Sheng Huainan continued with his psychological exploration, but Luo Zhi was lost in thought. What she wanted wasn’t just a confidant; it wasn’t just about making others understand her. Throughout her life, at some point, she had already shut everyone else out. The only people she could see clearly were three: her mother, Luo Yang, and a vague image of Sheng Huainan. She had never thought about letting others understand her, but she had never thought about rejecting them either. She had never hoped for anything and had rarely been disappointed. Perhaps she had disappointed others, like Ding Shuijing, but she didn’t feel guilty.
Perhaps indifference was another form of resistance.
However, if that "other" person was Sheng Huainan, Luo Zhi didn’t know if she would ever hope for that kind of heart-to-heart connection.
"Heart-to-heart is just an irresponsible myth. It only creates unrealistic and irresponsible expectations of others. So what if I don’t explain? If others misunderstand me, it doesn’t mean I’ll fall into the cause and effect they imagine. We ordinary people lack wisdom, and that's why we fall into the pain of hoping others will understand us."
She said this slowly, unsure of what she was really trying to say.
"Girl, you're making this weird. So, if others misunderstand you and think you killed their family but you don't explain, and then they get angry and kill you, is that okay?"
The rickshaw driver suddenly interrupted, and Luo Zhi was stunned by his words. She thought for a moment, unsure of how to rebut—she had been so confused earlier that she couldn’t even remember what she had said.
