Chapter 40.2 - Actually, I Really Don't Want to Believe You (2)
She had already walked some distance, but stopped and turned back, looking directly at him.
She wanted to ask, What exactly are you trying to do? But all she could feel was the cold, the fever burning on her forehead. She didn’t want to drag it out.
“Yeah. I like you. So what?” she replied impatiently.
Sheng Huainan looked at her for a long moment, then said quietly, “Maybe I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
“I really can’t take this anymore,” Luo Zhi laughed. “First you apologized for Zhang Mingrui liking me. Then you apologized for not knowing me in high school. Now you’re apologizing because I like you. Your moral compass is really something.”
He said nothing.
Luo Zhi shook her head, trying to sound calm. “I don’t know if the things you did to me were for some hidden reason, or if you’re just emotionally twisted. If it was some reason, I did want to ask… but you didn’t even bother to ask me a single question, and just…” She stopped, then smiled bitterly. “Honestly, you didn’t do anything all that terrible. Didn’t say anything too cruel, didn’t hit me or yell. You just… made me feel awful. Like my heart hurt. That’s all. Just a feeling.”
After saying that, she dropped the smile and looked at him seriously. “Love is just a feeling too.”
Sheng Huainan opened his mouth, as if to speak, but nothing came out.
After a long silence, Luo Zhi felt her fingers going numb from the cold, so she added, “You’re clearly not going to tell me why, and I’m done asking. But let me just say this—I may have lied. But the lies were just to preserve a sense of balance and illusion for myself. I never, not once, did anything morally wrong. Not a single thing.” She spoke slowly, like giving a closing statement in court.
As she walked away, she vaguely heard Sheng Huainan whisper, “Actually… I really didn’t want to believe you.”
After returning the books, she realized she was hungry. Around six o’clock, she rushed into the third cafeteria. She’d been craving the flatbread and meat rolls—but they were sold out. They only made one batch in the evening, and now, not a crumb left.
She bought a bowl of porridge. Then, in a fit of defiance, she also got spicy boiled beef, spicy chicken, and mala hotpot. Her throat wasn’t healed, her nose was still stuffed up, and she couldn’t taste anything—but she needed something intense.
Just as she sat down, she looked up and saw Zhang Mingrui cheerfully walking over with a tray.
“You—”
“You said you’d eat alone tonight, so I figured you’d go buy those meat rolls. I waited in line and didn’t see you, so I sat by that window, but you never showed. I figured you might’ve missed out again, so I doubled back and got you two more. But they’re cold now.”
Luo Zhi opened her mouth, but her nose stung before words could come out.
“Thanks,” she said, burying her face in the steaming bowl of porridge so he wouldn’t see her expression.
The next second, Zhang Mingrui stuck out a finger and exaggeratedly trembled like a horror movie scene, shouting:
“No way, Luo Zhi—what happened to you?! You’re thinner than a dried flower! Ugh, you haven’t showered in a week, have you?”
She glared at him and stuffed a bite of spicy beef into her mouth—only to bite down on a peppercorn. Her tongue went numb. She still couldn’t taste anything.
“Zhang Mingrui, you bastard,” she mumbled through the burning numbness.







