Chapter 37.1 - Swarovski (1)
Luo Zhi’s obsession with emotional purity had reached a pathological level. Even when stories about campus belles and heartthrobs were all the rage, she managed to block it all out, her eyes fixed solely on Sheng Huainan, continuing to write diary entries that were only about him.
Sometimes, though, it was impossible to completely ignore reality. On occasions when she couldn’t avoid it, she had seen the two of them together a few times.
She was pleased to observe that their relationship wasn’t like those overly demonstrative student romances—always clinging to each other and whispering sweet nothings whenever possible. From what she saw, Ye Zhanyan was quiet, and Sheng Huainan did most of the talking. She once sat on the last step of the sixth floor in the remote M section, listening to a CD and reading New Concept English Book 4. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, and they didn’t notice her either. They were sitting in the middle landing between the fifth and sixth floors, not holding hands, not hugging, looking at a math book—Sheng Huainan seemed to be explaining something.
She sat there until her legs went numb. They still didn’t leave, blocking her way. Not wanting to startle them, she just remained seated. Bach’s Suites for Solo Cello sounded exquisite, but the English passages had turned into meaningless symbols floating before her eyes, unable to enter her mind.
She didn’t know how long she had sat there. In her peripheral vision, the two of them—one in pink, one in white—were focused intently on something, looking impossibly harmonious. Luo Zhi found that she didn’t feel sad. Instead, she felt strangely relieved. Her affection for them carried a kind of broad and gentle acceptance, which in turn seemed to protect her too.
But later, back in the classroom, Xu Qiqiao and the others crowded around her. She saw Ye Zhanyan in the center of the group, laughing loudly, saying, “My hubby helped me with math today!”
The others cheered and asked what exactly he taught her. Ye Zhanyan thought for a second and then said cheerfully:
“Odd function changes, even function doesn’t—sign depends on the quadrant!”
Uproar. Everyone laughed and teased her for joking around.
Her bragging and showiness shattered the tender and quiet image Luo Zhi had of them on the staircase. Luo Zhi silently sat in her seat while the chatter buzzed from the back right. She lowered her head and fiddled with the thick Green Channel Handbook of Basic Chinese Knowledge, flipping through it as if it hid secrets to the college entrance exam.
After the gaokao that summer, classmates—whether pleased or disappointed with their scores—loved gathering for reunions. Luo Zhi only attended once. She watched others drink until they were wasted while she maintained her ladylike composure and didn’t touch a drop. Suddenly, a drunken Ye Zhanyan stumbled into the corner and sat beside her, slurring, “That idiot didn’t even get first place this time.”
Luo Zhi smiled and said, “Third place is still impressive. Exams are unpredictable, and science tracks are always highly competitive.”
“Do you think he’ll leave me? Fall for someone else? Beijing’s so far.” Ye Zhanyan lowered her head, and tears fell as her shoulders trembled. She looked pitiful.
Luo Zhi felt a twinge of envy. Ye Zhanyan never let herself be crushed by gloom and sorrow—she vented freely.
Though this version of Ye Zhanyan also disappointed Luo Zhi. She seemed too ordinary like this.
“If it’s fate, you can’t escape it. If it’s trouble, you can’t avoid it,” Luo Zhi said calmly.
She had meant to comfort her, perhaps say something like, “You’re special to him. Distance doesn’t matter.” But maybe she had been too cool and quiet during the reunion. What slipped out was something so brutally honest.
Maybe her jealousy and bitterness had finally found a small vent.
Ye Zhanyan was stunned, then smiled through her tears.
“Luo Zhi, his mom doesn’t like me.”
She’d heard others comfort Ye Zhanyan before—“His mom has no taste, can’t even appreciate you! Let him stay single!” But all Luo Zhi could do was offer a bitter smile. Outsiders’ sympathy was always irresponsible and only made things messier.
“Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to love their family. You and his mom both love him, but you don’t need to accept each other. Wait until you’re married in ten years to worry about in-laws. For now, just enjoy the present. Ye Zhanyan, being unrestrained is your charm.”
Ye Zhanyan didn’t speak for a long time.
“Unrestrained, that’s what I am?”
“Yeah,” Luo Zhi replied, growing a bit impatient. “I think he likes that side of you too. Pull yourself together.”
Ye Zhanyan suddenly giggled.
“What?”
“How do you know what he likes? Never mind. Haha, I get it now. Thanks. Hey, what do you think of this?” Ye Zhanyan wiped her tears and grinned, pulling a pendant out from under her collar.
A beautiful white crystal swan.
